That thing that everyone is talking about.
You know the one.
t's everywhere.
So instead of talking about that, I will instead talk about things that have happened to me in my stupid life.
I will substitute those things instead of the actual thing, even though its the actual thing I am talking about, I will instead relate it to things that have happened to me and my tiny human recycling machine I call a body.
Heres my first lesson of the day.
People are wearing masks. Some medical advice says 'Don't wear a mask', other medical advice says 'Wear a mask'. Even some others state - 'I don't know, wear one, don't wear one, who the fuck knows'. Well. my advice is if you think my farts are that bad and you think a mask will help you feel better, or stay safe, from the smell', then wear one. But don't forget to clean it every time you take it off and wash your hands after touching it, otherwise, the smell of my farts may well stay there, on the mask and next time you put it on, you will get the stink all over your hands and will smell the farts again. If that happens you may well get ill.
You see - Farts instead of the thing! Nice.
So over here we have a few streets that in Summertime, are opened at weekends for cyclists and pedestrians and closed to traffic that travels more than one block. But because I fell off a bus and messed up the ligaments in my ankle, whilst in Croatia in 2008, these streets are now open 7 days a week 8am to 8pm.
The idea is to give more room for people who are off work because of my dodgy ankle, to get out and exercise without having to be in 2 metres of anyone who may also have a badly strained ligament in their lower leg joint.
But as is always the case with the local Facebook group I follow- It has caused hassles:-
People who have a legitimate reason to drive 1 block up the street, to actually get home to their wives, children, dogs, cats and fridge of beer and Gin, have been almost driven from the road and given the middle finger, by numerous new fitness fanatics who are really only out there to show their disapproval at the people who actually still have to go to work or go the hospital or god forbid it, to the store to look at the empty shelves where the toilet paper should be. In this time of togetherness (at least 72 inches apart) and concern for your fellow limping human, can we not all just be a little nicer and allow the drivers of this world the chance to get home without feeling that they are driving through the first two versions of Grand Theft Auto. Calm down, people. Be nice to one another.
Talking about toilet paper (See above) I have spent my limited shopping time checking out the odder items that seem to be missing from our supermarket shelves. I know that getting genital crabs when you are young and stupid and living in Germany was a worrying time, but it clears up easily with the correct ointment. Just remember to shave down below and use the ointment in the shower, not the bath. If you try to be clever like I was the ointment will burn your eyes! Take note.
Anyway, people are social distancing so they don't get crabs off other people, as well as making sure if they do have crabs and don't know yet, they don't pass them onto anyone else. This means that people have been stocking up on the oddest things. I noticed in Safeway that all the Royal Gala apples were gone last week, but the Golden Delicious apple box was full!
Here in Canada, it's difficult now to find boxes of Kraft Dinner (Macaroni and cheese, a Canadian staple food), but on the same aisle, you can get boxes of Safeway Macaroni Dinner - the exact same thing, but not called KD. Some people are so picky. I also noticed all the dish cleaning sponges gone from Dollarama along with the Happy Birthday to my cat, birthday cards.
Lastly, there is definitely a lack of Christmas decorations in Rona. Just a few weeks ago they had loads - Lights, trees and cool little ornaments, but now the same aisle is just full of barbecues and garden furniture, although that may be for a different reason entirely and nothing to do with anyone having pubic lice.
So thats all I have to say on that matter. The thing is here, sometime in the future the thing will go away - or at least be less of an issue than it is now. At least sometime in the future a third of the worlds population will no longer be under lockdown because I got arrested at gunpoint in Dusseldorf in 1991. 1991 WAS a very exciting year for me by the way!
You are all now probably confused, bored or downright sick of reading this. I dont blame you, I am bored writing it - But at least we are bored together ( 6 feet apart at least)
Here is some less boring stuff
Hannah. Yep, Hannah. Or Hanny as she now likes to call herself.
She is proper growing up now, talks a lot and loves playing with her Duplo building blocks. When we go outside, which we try to do once a day at least, she eats whats left of any snow. Everyone thinks the snow is melting quickly this year - Its not, Hanny is eating it!
Her favourite thing at the moment is to pretend to be asleep and tell us to be asleep or 'Batch' as she calls it as she trys to say bed. Then when we are 'asleep she sneaks up and wakes us. Its very hard to get any rest with her about!
She is doing great though and as well as sleep and Duplo she also loves to watch me pretend her dolly is some kind of super agent - I have to make dolly climb the chairs, the walls and even fly in her toy plane. To be honest I love playing with the Duplo, the doll and Teddy, so its all good as far as I .
am concerned;
Enough chatting though - heres a few recent pics and videos for you to look at if you are in any way interested...
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| One hat is NOT enough! |
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| Eating snow |
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| Grandmas box (fnaar fnar) |
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| Hannah friendly cat! |
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| Last pic with Grandma and Grandpa before quarantine |
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| More snow to eat |
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| Cheeky bugar |
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| Birthday pressies for mum |
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| Ok, maybe one hat IS enough |
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| Esting more snow |
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| Pretending to sleep in Aunty Ericas blanket |
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| Date night with Teddy and Dolly |
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| Exploring the neighbourhood |
I made Hannah an army style assault course early one morning in the basement- she loved it!!
This was a very noisy very crazy few minutes.....
Finally, the end of winter seems to be here and its created a mess. As usual. The Ice sculpture had to be knocked down before it fell on anyone and I had the weirdest icicles stuck to my car last week. Weird but cool.
Finally, for the last few years, this blog hasn't made any sense (Did it ever) but this year and for the next few months, it does. 'Ricks Extra Long Summer.' I feel like this really could feel like an extra long summer indeed.
Keep safe germ carriers. No Hugs. Fistbumps through a closed window are allowed.
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