Sunday, July 30, 2017

Things that stop you doing things…

This is a moan. If you dont want to hear me moaning, then do one!!

We do a lot of things. In fact, in the last month we have done so many thing that I think I shall list the things we have done in:

Cinema to watch Dunkirk.
Winnipeg Fringe Festival – watching 9 shows over 5 days.
Birthday dinner for a friend.
An afternoon hiking in Birds Hill Park.
Another birthday dinner.
Drive to and from the lake in the same evening to watch a bloke play guitar.
An evening out with an old friend from abroad,
Cinema to watch Planet of the apes.
Buff had a weekend away I spent the time painting and making stucco and cement.
A rather good escape room.
4 days at Winnipeg Folk festival.
Visited our favourite neighbours for dinner.
Celebrated Canada day weekend at the lake.
A rehearsal dinner, wedding and after wedding brunch all in one weekend.
2 nights doing DIY around the house.

All that in a little over a month. It wears me out! But it is now all behind us and we have decided to do very little next week – basically we shall work as normal, but in the evening the very most we shall do is to walk the short distance to a local pub and have a cold drink. But no matter what we have done in the past or what you plan for the future, there is always something that gets in eth way and stops you in your tracks! Whether it be a traffic light, road construction or modern technology – your time will be wasted and you will be made to wait for no apparent reason. So I decided to acknowledge some of the things that do this because……..well, because I want to. I like to have a whinge or moan about stuff and this is what I want to do today.

1.       Smartphones
Ok, the internet IS superfast, but so much time is spent trying to avoid the things that get in your way. Have a go and try something…go to YouTube on a PC and type in the name of a famous person. The video will probably play. Now go to your phone and go to YouTube, type the same thing in and open the same video. What happens? Fucking adverts happen!! Whaaat? Whhhhhy? I don’t know, but it’s annoying isn’t it!


2.       Online shopping.
DIY stores and online versions of real shops seem to be the worst for this. You open the page to a store and before you get a chance to do a search a pop up ‘pops up’ and asks the ridiculous question, ‘Do you want to take a survey about our site?’ No I fucking don’t because:
a.       I have only just arrived at your site and haven’t had a chance to look at it yet
b.       I want to do some shopping or buy some tickets, not fill out a survey
c.       Fuck off

The worst part of this is that if you do decide to answer the questions there is never one that asks, ‘Do you want less surveys?’ because that is the one I really want to answer. At least let me search the site, buy my pube straighteners or laser nasal hair clippers and then ask me how my experience was after I pay. Even offer me a discount code or free shipping, but don’t ask me to tell you about your site before I get on it. Imagine the waiter at a restaurant asking how your dinner was  - BEFORE YOU EVEN CHOOSE FROM THE MENU. It doesn’t work like that does it, so stop it now. 

3.       Fringe performers.
Some of you may not have experienced this, but it annoys me a little. When you queue for a fringe show – to buy your ticket or gain entry, a lot of the other fringe performers from different shows take the opportunity to tell you about their shows and to give you a flyer about it. Whilst I don’t mid the odd one or two, when I am in a conversation and get interrupted 12 times by strangers handing out postcards and telling me that the Montreal Student union gave them 4 stars for their show about living in a canoe whilst on the waiting list for a hair transplant and that it’s the funniest play to come out of Medicine hat since Albert Hippo and his musical about trumpet porn, I get a little peeved. The worst thing is that after a couple of the performers tell me about their thing, I switch off and start to ignore the nest 10 of them. This is unfair on my part, but understandable as all the performers say the same things. Blah, blah blah, show, 5 stars, hilarious, you can’t miss it. So to overcome this one, I ask just one thing from fringer performers. Be original and do something different. If you can grab my attention by being interesting and different I promise I will not ignore you and might even come see your show. (It also helps is you are English or Australian as then I can understand what you are saying. )

Nope you are boring. Dont want to see your show.
Yep. Dead clown doing flyers. Now I am interested

4.       Waiters and waitresses.
Now I know the general way of doing things in North America is to pay someone for their time and effort to bring you drinks or food. In the olden day’s servants were treated much the same way, so apart from not actually owning the person what’s the difference? Back in good old England, if the barman or a server does a good job, you offer them a drink and if they accept they will spend a little time with you like a friend. I much prefer that than paying someone for their time and effort. Plus, waiting for a server to come and take your payment can take an age! After finish my dinner or drink, I generally want to leave and go somewhere else or home. I don’t want to wait for ‘The machine’. (Imagine an alien lands and watches these transactions…..A person eats food, drinks drink and then the waiter says’ Do you want the machine?’ sounds like some kind of torture….which it sometimes turns into when you wait for the damn machine and the server to sort their lives out. Just let me pay when I get drinks or food and let me leave when I want!
She is smiling so you give her more money

Friendly barman. I'd buy him a pint and he would love to chat whilst drinking it.

5.       Queuing for queuing sakes,
The other circumstance is when you get to the front of the queue in a supermarket or store. You wait before placing your purchases on the counter and the person in front of you is paying….. But no, they then spend 45 minutes getting cash, cards, change and everything out as if they didn’t expect to have to pay. Then they spend 45 minutes putting cash, cards and change and receipt back into a purse or wallet whilst standing on the same spot. Then, they start to collect their bag of purchases at the slowest possible speed. Thank the lord of technology for serve yourself tills where Mrs Mopp can’t do her thing!

Move your frigging arse!!
Yay! The future of my sanity!

So, this has been a chance for me to vent some frustration, that has built up with the last 5 or 6 weeks of madness. Take it with a pinch of salt and imagine a life where when you wanted to do something you just could. I am honestly now not in the mood to write anymore. Its been a good day. We sat on the dock, swam in the lake and played with the dogs. I even found acute green caterpillar. Nothing stopped me doing anything. It was bliss.  
Hope you had a good day too!!


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