Monday, March 19, 2012

Rally driving for 10p and mummys little cherubs...

Wednesday evening and after a walk out in the afternoon I spent the evening updating a load of stuff on my laptop and doing a test pack for when I go away again in less than 3 weeks. I’m taking a lot more stuff with me than when I left in 2010. Mainly, because I will have a base at Buffy’s place in Winnipeg and will be planning to travel for shorter periods away from there, into America and around Canada.

I also thought that it would be good to answer some of the questions I have already been asked about what my plans are for when I go away again, so over the next few days I will write some of them down and answer them in the next blog entry.....anyway, on with this week....


There wasnt much happening to speak about between Wednesday and Sunday, when I found myself updating the blog on my old netbook, for the last time before I hand it over to my dad and I start using my new one permanently...

So here we are on Sunday 18th March, which is known this year as Mothers day. Well, you can all be pleased that for the weekend I made my way to Skegness to spend Mothers day weekend with my mum (To be honest I didnt plan it like that, but it does turn out to be a nice coincidence.) 
Anyway, we went out and had a spot of lunch in a nice local cafe before driving around town to find a newspaper shop that actually sold newspapers and then I was dropped off at The Litten Tree pub, where I sat for 2 hours watching Man United destroy Wolves 5-0. 

Unfortunately the pub is, in my best English  - Shite. I stood at the bar waiting to be served. A bar where there were two other people waiting to be served by the 4 bar staff. One of which was avoiding glances from customers like a shoplifter avoids the glances of passing security guards. The other 3 bar staff were also very busy. One was carrying a tray of already slice lemons wondering where he was supposed to place them (I was going to suggest he tried putting one in a glass and introducing it to a pint of cola). A 2nd member of staff was following around another 'barman'. This barman I think, was the manager as in stead of wearing an unironed black t-shirt like the rest, he was wearing hes own 'hawaiian' style monstrosity. He seemed to be playing a game with the 2nd member of staff, or maybe they are having a not very secret love affair, as the 2nd 'member in black', was following Mr Hawaii around behind the bar as he moved a jug, swiped a card in the till to repair a mistake by the only idiot (sorry I mean barperson) who was actually doing any serving and finally disaappeared into the back of the bar out of sight of all the customers who, like me, had been following his every move for the previous two minutes as he played chase me with the the other staff and avoided absolutely any eye contact with the customers.
Not one of the actual bar-staff, but quite possibly smarter


 I noticed that the rest of the customers decided to drift away, grab their coats and leave the bar. A couple passed me on their way out and said 'Good luck', to me as I still stood there like a pillock who doesnt realise he has just missed the last bus home.

Eventually, after about 15 minutes, I still hadnt been served, the 1st barperson was still making mistakes on her till and Mr Lemons, Mr Hawaii and his infatuated homosexual emo lookalike freak were still all doing shag shit behind the bar and had refused even to acknowledge the grunts, groans and patient 'excuse me's' made by everyone else who stood waiting for their mothers day sustenance. I dont like sitting in a pub or cafe withiut having bought a drink or some food, but today I decided that I had paid my dues by watching the sideshow of 4 utter simpletons try to do one of the best and most satisfying jobs in the world. Making people happy by serving them alcohol, is without doubt a great job and one which should be enjoyed. You get out of things as much as you put in, so I am satisfied that these retards behind the bar in The Litten Tree will go home tonight and take joy from looking at their miserable faces in the mirror and wondering just how the hell everything went so wrong. Thanks dickheads you were fucking useless and cost the pub at least 6 customers in the 15 minutes I waited unsuccessfully for a drink. I hope you have a really busy day next time you work and walk out of the pub down to the beach and bury your heads in the sand. You complete arses.

It has however been a good weekend for me. 2 hours in the pub without spending a penny, The Winnipeg Jets winnning a great game against Washington Capitals, United thrashing Wolves 5-0 and Jenson Button winning the Australian Grand Prix after a 6am start early this morning. I also enjoyed a walk around Skegness yesterday for a few reasons:-

1. It made me giggle to myself just how unfortunate the 'youth' of today are......
When I was a 'Yoof', I was never the trendiest kid. I wouldnt say that I was a total knobber, but I never had the really trendy gear that was the height of trends. The worst I ever dressed in order to look cool was in the early 90's, when I used to wear flares and hooded tops to show my allegiance Madchester and the bands like the Inspirals, Happy Monday and Stone Roses plus many others such as Carter - The Unstoppable sex machine (Yes, that really is a great band name!!)  However, looking around the youth of Skegness and Eastern England I felt quite sorry for them. 


The girls have it easy and wear what they like but lads are just fucked up!! I saw so many teenage lads with hair that looks like it has been Coiffeurred by a professional and extremely expensive hair expert in the style of Justin Bieber (I had to look up the spelling..) or some other teenage pimpled pop tosser. But these same lads are then caught in a no win situation. They have the pop stars hair, but are not allowed to dress properly. Woe betide if they are seen with shoe laces done up or trousers that are worn properly. I know I am sounding like a fuddy duddy, but for fucks sake, If they spend so long on their hair why can they not pull up their fucking trousers.  Not only that, but the new fashion trend is to have trousers with 'cuffs' around the ankle. So with their arse hanging out and skintight at the bottom of the leg it looks like MC Hammer wearing a nappy. (See the following photo for proof...)
MC Hammers illegitimate British shoplifting cousin


Stupid stupid stupid trousers - what does she see in him!?

After laughing at all the unfortunate little fashionistas I noticed a different part to them. Nearly every little Justin was carrying a bag from one or other of the card shops in town or some other 'present', to take home to mummy and give to her early on Sunday morning for mothers day. So, no matter how cool or hard  they try and pretend to look, they are all still soft little boys who's hair and nappy shaped trousers are still paid for by mummy who no doubt brings them breakfast in bed and make sandwiches for their lunch (No crusts please mum!!)


2. The second thing that made my day whilst wandering around Skegness was when I went into the amusement arcade on 'The Pier'. 
I was planning on just walking through the arcade to make my way back towards town from the beach, but I spotted a driving game - Sega Rally - the game I used to play in the late 90's when it was one of the best and most popular driving games in the arcade. I thought, that if it was 50p or less I would treat myself to a game.... I found the coin slot and guess what - Yes -10p a game!! 10p. What can you do for 10p nowadays?? I'll tell you what you can do for 10p - play a cool racing game for about 5 minutes (If you are any good!) So that's what I did.
Yeah, Sega Rally - 10p!!


The Pier Arcade


I changed a £1 in to 10x10p's and spent the next 45 minutes reliving my early twenties. Eventually after getting back up to speed I managed to get the top score and qualified for the 'secret' track, which I was never any good at and still are'nt now. But it was a great 45 minutes or so and at one point I looked around to see a couple of people watching me race.... Cool!!


3. Thirdly I walked past the front of the Railway Station on my way back home after the football on Sunday afternoon. A few weeks ago the new plaza had opened with a themed sculpture of wave shapes and a big silver sandcastle. I personally like the new look, but a lot of people in town seem to have vented their dismay at the cost - £800,000. However, we were all unsurprised when just a day or two after the unveiling, a teenager on his bike had been trying to ride his bike along one of the 'waves', fallen off and smashed his face into the concrete below. Now, having done this kind of thing on many occasions as a kid, I thought for a second and then giggled as I remembered some of my escapades at that age, But the locals thought differently.....


Why have such stupid things been built in such a place where our precious children will hurt themselves!?! Was what  the local paper tried to say. 'What a waste of money' and ' Knock down the eyesores', were a couple of the opinions thrown about in the local forums. 


The waves that the kid fell off....


Bloody hell - He is a kid doing what kids do - Stick up a couple of signs saying ' No responsibility will be taken by anyone if  kids are kids and ride bikes, skateboards or mopeds over these wave things'... and let the kids have their fun.. they will do it anyway...
What it looks like now!! Arse.




So that's it from me for another week or so. I am trying to make the blog a little about the unusual things I see and pass by as I travel around rather than a list of stuff I have done... so look out for more next week!!

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