Just a couple of weeks after the last post and here I am, as promised, beginning a new one. However, before I tell you what the craziest people in my life have been up to - Hannah, Buffy and the soon to be born Humphry Ko-vid Montgomery (Cool baby name eh!)I have something to share with you.
I listen to podcasts when driving out of town to jobs and today I heard something and experienced something, well, pretty special.
Unfortunately, to share this with you I have to post a link to the podcast and you have to listen to it. Its only 16 minutes long, so you have time. Then in a couple of weeks, I will post again and tell you what happened to me while I listened. That's all I can tell you except that it will be better for you if you take off your headphones or earbuds and listen through speakers, your PC or even your phone.
I was driving my car at the time and I think that definitely helped me with this particular podcast. Anyway, here's the link. Let me know if you has the same experience I had - if you do, you will know....
https://thememorypalace.us/the-silent-room/
Anyway, here's the rest of the shit -Literally shit - because, first want to ask you - how do you wipe your arse?
Yep -serious question...What method do you use in order to mop the Klingons from your bumhole? What technique enables you to expunge the anal toffee? Do you rub or swab? How do you exterminate, obliterate or extirpate your unmentioned poop bullets? Its a serious question for serious times...
You see, a few months ago, when all this virussy nonsense started all the poop-paper was bought by all the crazy people, but none of them thought about why they were doing this apart from the fact that they saw someone else doing it. Now though, everyone has calmed the fuck down a bit and is being more sensible and buying actual food instead. So the supermarket shelves are full of soft, fluffy, multi-plyed paper products and it seems the poop paper manufacturers have upped their game to try to get you to buy more of their supersorbant backbum towels. I have noticed this before, but it seems now that every manufacturer is trying the same game to make you buy less - but actually more - of their very expensive recycled wood pulp.
Take a look at the photos and what do you notice (Yes, I did take pictures of bog roll in a store)
Now these are just the Charmin rolls, but believe me, every huge castle sized bag of pre-brown ticker tape has the same type of crap advertising 9Pun most intended) 18=72. 20=60. 12=24. What a pile of shit. 18 rolls of 4 ply paper do NOT equal 72 rolls of 1 ply. 20 rolls of 3 ply do not equal 60 rolls of 1 ply. That's not how most people use toilet paper.
I carried out in-depth research - I asked Buffy how she wipes her bum - and the overwhelming opinion of all my subjects is - They grab a couple of sheets fold them and wipe. It didn't matter how thick the paper is and in most cases, there was no prior study taken to ascertain how many-layered pieces of paper made up the aforementioned sheets for shit. So if you use cheap sandpaper, you fold and wipe. if you use velvety smooth recycled cat fur, served on a golden tray by the Groom of the Stool (Look it up, its a real thing) then you still fold and wipe. This barely changes, unless you have a particularly sticky or wet patch of passage compost. In which case, the function is repeated until cleanliness is obtained.
Imagine a biscuit manufacture advertising that his double-thick biscuit is equal to 2 biscuits - That would be true. A car that carries twice as many passengers, IS equal to 2 cars. But A piece of 4 x 4 plywood that is twice as thick is NOT equal to two pieces of plywood. It doesn't fill a space that is 4x8 big. A can of cola that is twice as thick as another does not have twice as much coke in. Its all bollocks and shouldn't be allowed. The only people who buy the unfairly worded wound up paper, imagining that they have a bargain are the people who really ARE twice as thick as the normal person. (and half as clever as the doubly soft softness they wipe their brains on)
Asides from my fascination with the small paper squares nobody ever mentions, it has been a pretty a good few weeks. Just after my last post, we had our favourite Westminster neighbours come visit the cabin for a couple of days - Mike Rebecca and Holland popped down to Clearwater bay and spent a really nice couple of days with s here. Holland is 3 years old nd he and Hannah are getting along really well when they get together. We had boat rides, a visit to a local beach, swimming on the dock, beers, coffee - a really well-fought game of Trivial Pursuit (The answer is always Nixon or The Nile) Food was cooked, eaten and talked about. Hair was braided and kids played, in the kitchen, pretending to jump into the lake. A great weekend for all.... Here are a few highlights.....
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| How did I end up with both kids!!? |
Back in the city and after about 6 weeks of having a hole in our bathroom ceiling, we actually got someone around to fix it. It would have been done ages ago, but the day before a bloke was due to come, he had a heart attack - He actually rang from his hospital bed to apologize - so if anyone knows Chuck the builder from Winnipeg - who is now recovering at home - buy him a drink - he's a great bloke! Anyway, Handyman Connection, who we use for smaller jobs we can't be arsed doing ourselves, sent Adam and Kate to fix the sagy ceiling and a great job they did!!
Myself and Buff are trying to get a few nights out before Crazypants 2.0 is born in September. So a couple of weeks back we went for a game of mini-golf, followed by dinner and a beer (for me anyway) It was a hot evening and we had a lot of fun trying to lose our balls in a stream - After 18 holes of competitive putting we ended up drawing 60 shots each - a fair result after a good game. We both had a hole in one too, but only Buffies is on video....
Buffy and Hannah are back out at the lake for the week, so I have been home alone - doing a few jobs here and there and getting less sleep than I would if they were actually here. Hanna continues to grow, get cheeky and watch diggers. Se really is a Winnipeg toddler cos she loves construction season! We found a cool splash pad just outside Kenora last weekend too so she loved playing there after ice cream. She is generally loving life in the summertime, spending time at the cabin with Grandma and Grandpa as well as lots of trips out in eth city to see friends like Jack. I am sure that she will continue to love it when she has her baby sister or brother in a few weeks. Here's a few pic and vids of what she has been doing...
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