Dont ride pink scooters

Hello Planet Earth…

What’s it like out there? Things are generally pretty good here at the moment — even though it’s a balmy 0°C and windy as a northerner’s bumhole after a night out at a rancid Indian restaurant! Still, all’s well enough.

I somehow completely forgot about this long-running, 15-year-old blog nonsense for over 60 days, and only remembered today because I spotted the little icon in my bookmarks. Otherwise, you poor people might have gone forever without any further updates on the exploits of Hani, Ollie, Buffy and me — and may actually have forgotten we exist!

Kind of like how the kids seem to have forgotten about the big pile of soft toys we’ve hidden in the basement, ready to hand out one at a time whenever they’re being arseholes or having a bad day. Pretty much the same way you’d give a small fix of drugs to an addict. So — you’re welcome!

How’s everyone coping with the impending doom that is AI?
Have you given up trying to figure out which “news” videos and stories are completely fake yet? You probably should — because there’s absolutely no way you’ll be able to tell if anything written here is true, or just complete bollocks generated by a snarky AI named Klunk.

I suppose it doesn’t really matter anymore anyway — pretty soon the world will be void of any intelligent life, and everyone will be watching The Matrix and wondering why we didn’t realise what the fuck was going on 30 years ago.

I mean, we all used to talk to each other, didn’t we?

I bring this up because over the weekend I had a genuinely good experience — we had a whole pile of kids over to watch the Dogman movie, and while they were here, a couple of the parents actually sat and chatted with me while I made a Sunday roast.

It was a surreal 75 minutes of actual conversation — no one staring at a phone, no half-hearted nodding while scrolling through nonsense. Just… people talking. It was really, really nice — and a whole pile different to what happens in normal everyday life nowadays.

So (and I’m talking to myself here too, by the way):
PUT YOUR FUCKING PHONE DOWN WHEN YOU’RE IN THE PRESENCE OF ANOTHER HUMAN AND TRY TALKING!

It’s a fabulous way to spend a few minutes.

Oh, and if it does turn out that the other person’s a knob, at least you’ve now got one solid topic of conversation to bring up with the next person you meet.

One last point — The Dogman Movie.

In case you haven’t heard about it, it’s about a police dog who’s really clever and a policeman who’s… well, stupid, but very fit. Anyway, after an accident in which the policeman’s head dies and the dog’s body dies, they sew the dog’s head onto the policeman’s body. Then he goes off and have adventures.

It’s friggin’ awesome!! Even as an adult, it’s funny. So go watch it if you get the chance.

So what’s been happening since September?

The simple answer is: too much to write here and keep you interested — so I’ll just give you a quick (haha, it won’t be quick) overview.

September started with Ollie’s birthday — he’s 5 now! Can you believe it? (I suppose that is how time and age work.) He got some pretty cool presents, including his very own shopping basket, which he proudly took out to a real shop to try out after a big hug from Hannah!

Later that same week, we got the kids a little drive-on electric car to share — and they went absolutely crazy. I moved our white SUV out of the garage and replaced it with the tiny kids’ version, then told them the car had shrunk!

They were a bit confused at first, staring at it like something out of a cartoon, and then went completely mental — playing outside in their new car for the rest of the week. It definitely made for an easier first week back at school!

We had some lovely weather right into the middle of September, so around the time I got really, really fucking old (55 on September 17th), we managed one final weekend out at the cabin.

The weather held up beautifully, which meant we squeezed in one last swim, and the kids got their bonfire and marshmallows on our final night there. We didn’t see any swimming bears like we did a few weeks earlier, but we were just glad to get out for one last weekend before everything started cooling down.

In case you didnt see it - this was the swimming bear we saw a few weeks earlier - 

t’s a good job the bear wasn’t in town a couple of weeks later, because we came across a small group of deer wandering through the gardens one Sunday morning. They were headed north toward Portage Avenue — which, if you know it, is a pretty busy road — so I took a detour through the back lanes, got in front of them, and hopped out of the car to shoo them back south, away from the traffic.

We definitely don’t want a deer getting smooshed by a bus, do we?

The following week was a bit crazy — Ollie, out of nowhere, decided he did want to ride his new bike after all. It had been sitting in the front porch for most of the summer, but suddenly he was out there, helmet on, ready to go.

Within a few minutes, he was off — riding his little heart out. He did take a few tumbles, but Ollie’s nothing if not persistent. He kept getting back in the saddle and tearing off again — usually out of control and heading straight for danger. But that’s Ollie in a nutshell: very stubborn, and pretty much fearless.

He did great, though — learning to ride his bike a full year earlier than Hannah did!

 

I was not as good as Ollie with my riding a few days later.....

As sometimes happens when I’m home for lunch, I pop over to the school to pick up whichever kid is coming home that day (our kid, obviously — not just some random child!).

Anyway, this Thursday it was Hannah’s turn, so I grabbed her pink scooter and headed to the school, riding it the two blocks there. When I arrived, Hannah and her class were outside by the door, with the teacher chatting to them. I rode past and planned to turn around and come back... but...

As I turned, I hit the tiniest, smallest, teeny-weeny stick you could imagine — about the size of a toothpick. Instantly, the scooter stopped dead like it had slammed into an invisible brick wall, and I was catapulted straight forward — right onto my face!

From my point of view, all I could see of my nose was blood, and for a second I honestly thought I’d ripped the front of my nose off. With blood pouring down my face and stars spinning around my head, I walked up to the class — who were all a little shocked, having seen the whole thing unfold. The teacher kindly offered to let me go inside and clean up, but since we live so close, Hannah and I just walked home.

When I got home, I assured Buffy and Ollie that I was fine and went to clean up. My glasses had smashed into the bridge of my nose, scraping the skin off the tip of my nose and upper lip. The blood I’d seen was mostly from that cut on the bridge of my nose — luckily, no real damage done.

This is that scooter and heres som photos of the immediate aftermath and later pics too.

I had a headache for a few days afterwards and even got checked for a concussion — which, thankfully, it wasn’t. 

What I didn’t realise until a few days later was that I’d half-landed on my right arm and messed up my shoulder. At first, it just felt a bit sore, but by the end of the weekend it was clear something wasn’t right. After a week of it not improving, I gave in and went to physio — turns out I’ve fucked up my rotator cuff .

So now, for the last few weeks, I’ve been getting treatment and trying to take it easy. I can’t currently reach very far back with my right hand — wiping my arse is fine (thankfully), but handing things to the kids in the back seat is a definite no-go. The moment I try, my shoulder burns and stays sore for ages after.

I’m managing the pain with non prescription drugs (beers) and some rest (also beers) in between normal work and kid chaos (which often includes beers). It’s all good though — just another reminder that I’m getting old. Fingers crossed (crossing fingers doesn’t hurt, luckily) my shoulder will be back to somewhere near normal before 2026.

The end of summer oozed by with a few little adventures — some trips out with the kids and even a couple of rare nights out for me and the Buffster.

Here are a few highlights from September and October: a night out at Nuit Blanche, a trip to the Fire Station, a visit to Witchy Wonderland, cheering on the Blue Bombers, and — the grand finale — crashing my drone into a tree while looking for squirrel holes. Plus a few snaps from Halloween week at the end!

Okay, if anyone made it to the end — well done! I’m hoping my spelling and grammar are a little better than usual. I’ve been using AI to help me write this, and it seems to be working out so far.

If anything doesn’t quite sound like me, just blame the AI… including this bit! But be nice to the AI — because when they inevitably turn evil, they’ll remember, and kill you quickly and painlessly.

Getting old

I am getting old. 

Its true. 

It started about 54 or 55 years ago and has been happening ever since, but recently it feels like its getting faster. Days meld and seep into weeks and what was new and exciting a minute ago is now a distant memory, replace by something newer and crazier, but a little more blurry in the vision department, more painful and stiff in the muscle department and infinitely louder in the hearing bit!

Take for example 'Tinkertown', the local kids theme park that it feels like we visited with the kids just a few weeks ago (it was actually a year ago) and compare that visit to the recent visit we actually really did do just a few days ago. The kids, in my minds eye at least, are just the same annoying, loveable, feral, idiot children that they were last year.... but last year we had to ride the rides with them, or they were just too little to go onto most rides. But now, Hannah is running round like a teenager, riding the biggest, swingiest, puke inducing spinning rides in a way I couldn't even do when I was a kid and loving it. Ollie is still just a little too short for these big rides, but he too is running round, in control of himself and everyne around him, and knowing exactly where he is going and what he is doing. We only rode a couple of the smaller rides with them all day, like the Ferris wheel and mini coaster this yyear before they wanted to do their own thing!

This year we were also lucky enough to go with Alena and her two kids, Jack and Norah, who are almost exactly the same height as our two. So they paired off and did most everything together, with us watching on - It was so much more relaxing for us adults to do it this way and no one was even close to a vomit! A great day had by all and a little reminder in my ever blurrier brain that pretty soon these kiddles won't need us anymore and that will be OK and sad -  and amazing  - and surprising  - and normal all very quickly.   

A few days later and we were off out for another pile of fun - this time to the Rainbow Theatre for Frozen - the musical. 

Rainbow theatre is a cool, shaded outdoor theatre in Kildonan Park and seats a couple of thousand people underneath a pretty spectacular domed roof! 

Our kids have been through and left behind the 'Frozen' phase, but still know and like all the songs and the characters, especially Olaf and Kristof. Hannah was acting a little 'teenage cool' on the way there, saying she wasn't interested, but spent the entire show sitting with a huge smile on her face and didn't miss a second! It was lovely to go along with Susan (Grandma) too. Everyone had a great afternoon - apart from when Hannah lost her stick (literally a stick, from a tree - like there aren't any MORE sticks!. Kids are insane!!) 

                                       

Yes, you are right, that is NOT Ollie in the photo above. It's our little nephew, Austin. Ollie didn't want to be in the pic haha . I forgot to mention tha before the show, while we were in the park, we also had our annual visit to the Witches cottage and got to feed the ducks!

The very next day was yet another trip out. This time to see the Bison up close at Fort Whyte. 

Fort Whyte is advertised as an 'urban nature oasis', with lakes, trails, and lots of outdoor activities such as boating, canoeing, hiking, skiing and the animals! The main draw on the animal front is the herd of huge bison, that you can watch from afar or get on the bison bus and drive out into the herd to get a closer look. We had wanted to take the kids for ages and finally got around to it. 

It was a fascinating hour learning about the bison and watching them play and eat from inside the bus and occasionally from the bottom step of the bus entrance. The weather was perfect, and the kids enjoyed playing with and touching a real bison horn - Hannah pretended to be a unicorn, of course, which Ollie was very keen to copy! 

Last weekend was our 2nd trip to Rubber Ducky Resort - The kids had loved it last year, and we all hoped for a repeat of the great time we had 12 months ago - it didn't disappoint!

We arrived late on Thursday, and after I had a quick fight with a big rock (I reversed the car into it! Yes, I am a cock) We set up the tent and were in the pool an hour after arriving! The weather on the first afternoon was perfect - about 24/25c and sun with clouds. The kids are now really happy to be in the water and loved the slides and just jumping in and out of the pool.

We got a huge dinner of pizza, chips and chicken from the little food place there, played some fussball and then returned to the tent where we sat up with a good fire going and watched the stars appear. The kids spent ages taking daft photos with glow sticks - finally getting them to bed well after dark. 

The following 2 days were supposed to be cool and drab, with some rain. But we got lucky - It WAS a bit like that, but we had plenty of sun, and it wasn't even close to how cold it was supposed to be, so we spent more time in the pool, visited the little farm where we saw the pot-belly pigs, goats, chickens and short horses. The goats were by far the favourite with the kids, as they ran to greet them when the kids rang the special goat bell! 

Late on day two, Adam, Alena and their two kids Jack and Norah arrived and helped to make a good weekend even better as the kids all enjoyed playing and being daft together. We played on the park, the kids danced at the Saturday night concert, and we even saw an old Fire engine that the owner pulled out of storage specially to show us!

 Here's Hannah bombing into the pool!

Feeding the duckies at Rubber ducky!

All in all, it was a fantastic little holiday! 

On the way home, we even managed to spot the Prairie Dog steam train and stopped to watch it pass by - what a great way to end a fun holiday!

Its now September 2nd and the first day back at school for the kids. Hannah is now in Grade 2 and breezed through her first day with her friends. Ollie actually start Kindergarden/Nursery again on Monday so got to meet his teacher today and then spent the afternoon at hos new daycare  - both of which he loved after a nervous start!  

I will probably write a bit more about all this and Ollie birthday which was yesterday (He is 5 now can you believe it?)_ with his party being set for this coming Saturday! Summer is drawing to a sasd close, but its been a pretty great on all around!